loves hhiim n0rrtt -

deleted ~

2006-12-03T08:23:00.000-08:00

msn, friendster and this blog is deleted ! =)
bb then !
looking for me then add my new msn bahs !

doughnuts X(

2006-10-28T17:50:00.000-07:00

yesterday morning go pasir ris eat doughnuts. my childhood breakfast. zzz. cause it was saturday, lots of side way stalls were open then i thought of my mom. she used to drag me to markets early in the morning. =( i miss that family warmth. humpf, anyways, i bought doughnuts and finished it. X)) they were still hot when i bought them. haha. then i walked to the shops behind sea shell park. lots of things have changed. my family changed too. ><

i just saw a missed call from someone who haven't call me for a long time. i called back but no one answered. =/ maybe because i saw the miss call ONE hour later. aha. days ago i was angry with someone but then i happen to saw his nick. i don't know if it was refering to me anot but i didn't really care. i swear in my blog but didn't mean it. cause i was angry. ><

mms, just now i go do ludibrium pqpq. then that meepok he don't know how to do then ask this and that de. zzz. almost lose my temper. but i maintained ! =) i got to change. (my attitude sux, and i know) zzz. btw, i haven't check out the comercial school ! i don't know if i was running away or what. but i didn't reply my mom's calls. i wanted to but didn't. i don't know why. and i'm craving for doughnuts. aha. the small ones that look like ping pong balls. =/ the normal doughnuts very hard. zzz. don't know how they bake it. o.O

think i go do pqpq ler. cause meepok waiting for me. that stupid boy. aha.

i'm sorry.

cloud, wind and PHONES !

2006-10-19T09:58:00.000-07:00

i'm a fat looking creature on the outside
but a hardcore #*@!(^ inside.
and if anyone ever analysis my brain
it's all about eating nutella. =p

ting mama de hua `

2006-10-08T03:05:00.000-07:00

zzz. someone just called and ask "you jieting?" Lols. i thought he call wrong number then he say wilson ask for my address. mms, maybe he going to scold me or what. or ask me for his bag. Lols. oh ya, btw, i move house ler. mum suddenly call me and tell me she sold the house. then she ask me tog o home and pack my things. she and kor kor moving to bedok with my grandma and me, to wherever i want. yesterday damn angry with yeebeng. 'cause he say my mom don't care for me and whatever shit. zzz. my mom cares for me alrights. it's just that outsiders don't know a thing. dad made me and mom quarrel. it's always him ! it's always him that my mom and i quarrel. haiis. my mom didn't even tell my brother before she made any decisions. i don't know what happen until i question my aunt. ah, so confusing. i got scolded like an idiot when my dad called my mom. i was scolded like fuck. but i had quite a great day yesterday cause kenny they all at arcade like mad dog. Lols. we fight for the only donald duck that yee beng catch. then kenny keep shouting "wo yao wo yao". Lols. then bryan take winne pooh. Lols. i take tigger and donald. then poor kenny take tigger. Lols. oh ya ! that bryan steal my pig keychain. stupid. hahas. these few days or maybe recently i felt happier. 'cause kenny birthday go eat steamboat. then ton and ton then yeebeng birthday eat steamboat AGAIN. one at bugis one at marina. hahas. like stupid lor. then alvin take one moutain plate of rice and finish all. lols. so scary lor. hahas. i don't know how to say nar. Lols. then at both steamboats, yeebeng only eat crabs. wtf. he keep eating the crab then others he donwan eat. but then kenny bbq the chicken quite nice. but he bbq give yeebeng de like chewing gum. Lols. alot of things happen. but mostly are happy stuffs. ^^

oh ya, back to wilson. i don't know when he's comiong out. even if he come out i also don't know i can go down mar and most probably pass him a white bag. zzz. anyway, who cares. ^^

no promises`

2006-09-22T00:31:00.000-07:00

mms, abit shag now though. Alicia(my aunt) just called. she wants to know if i wanna continue studying in tampines secondary. i don't want retain again you see. damned. she told me if she withdraws me from my school, i cannot go back there again. which means, to complete my "n" level, i have to finish it in private schools. cause by the time i go back there it might be a little too late. i don't want regret. zzz. maybe i'm running away. i don't know. if i take private lessons, i might not be able to cope. i don't know i don't know. what if while studying, i'm not interested in tourism anymore. fuck ! it's like maple. if at starting, you went to kerning to be rogue, you'll have to continue leveling in that class. can't change class. either a bandit or assassin to chief bandit or hermit. cannot suddenly become sniper or ranger. damned. but can create another character. i cannot ! X( ahh. that's the difference between life and games. shit man. i'm now a sniper. what if i change my mind to be a hermit ? i've gotta create a new character and start all over. but how ? waste my time and my mother's money ? it's a childish act. damn fucked up now. and abit hungry. zzz. still, kong kong's better. want jump left then jump left. want jump right just jump right. the most you fall and continue from where you fell. change the map whenever you feel like it. not like maple. so troublesome. hump ! haiis. if my life was a game, i'll make it like kong kong. doink doink ! Lols. oh ya, bought a new ash tray, damn kawaii. orange colour. hahas. look more like dustbin. =x and i haven't return wawa his mp3. zzz. so mafan. if i've known earlier, i don't want borrow from him. his time and my time don't match. he's sleeping when i'm wide awake. and when i'm sleeping like an idiot he's schooling. ah, damn.

at least i know who cares. =)
wawa, regina, sky and some others. those who i thought cares don't really do. but from here, i know who to cherish more. who to bother myself with. and the others, i should dump them in my rubbish bin. forget them like i had amnesia. yeps. and that spongebob a friend gave me, i love it like it was my bolster. Lols. ^^

my childhood !

2006-08-27T06:39:00.000-07:00

JOSEPH WANG called me a few minutes ago. zzz ! hahas. kind of miss him and the rest. my childhood friends ! hahas. i miss them loads. the last time i saw him was at century square with 2 girls and me, with 2 boys. zzz ! he didn't contact with johnathan and yong ren they all ler. zzz. sadded. he owe me money ! hahas. he wants to pay me back, iiya. nevermind. also so long liao. and he took FOUR long years to pay me back. zzz ! he baka. anyways, damn happy he called. i don't know why. maybe cause very long never contact ler. =X. we used to meet at macdonalds then walk to the playground. hahs. some idiots. LOL.

nah.

2006-08-16T23:46:00.000-07:00

nah and nua. zzz.
nua is what? i still don't know lor. haii. anyway, sky's marrying me in 3 years time. LOL. what a joke. haha. actually, i find it amazing that we still contact after more than a year. mms. he's working at a pharmacy now. diiaos. and he just went to take his test. it's morning over there. and night over here. he's coming singapore soon. haha. yay! then we'll meet again. my best friend's coming singapore. c(=
LOL, someone nudge me at msn and say congrats. then i ask why, he say cause i'm getting married in 3 years time. LOL. haha. omg. i can't stop laughing. haha. wtf. he ask me how old i am in 3 years time, i told that guy in msn(my friend), "19". then he say "oh ya, 19 can't marry yet." LOLs. haha. the biggest laugh i had today. zzz. to think of it, i was kind of shag, for the whole day. i've got nothing to do at my friend's house. but i had someone to talk to. =)
err, i think is have someone to laugh with bah. not talk to. cause we just finish watching her mr bean vcds. Lols. zzz. nah, i going to sleep before she sleep. if not i lonely. Lols. good nights !

zzz

2006-08-12T07:24:00.000-07:00

i thought my cramps were gone for good. damn-ed. just yesterday another kind of cramp came. siians. feel damn shag now though. = (
zzz. the pain was worse. zzz. i can't even walk thanks to it. damned !
WO YAO KUAI LE ! i was going to be well soon and i had to take this. a new cramp? and it all had to start with my stomach ! shag-ed. i miss being outdoors. i'll go crazy if i stay at home any longer. i'll go even crazier if i had to stay at home and cope with the cramps ! = (
i want get well. i don't even have the energy to cry. damn. (-_-'')

study study`!

2006-08-08T04:59:00.000-07:00

mms. haha. i told my mom i want to take private lessons. hehs. she got my aunt to look for a private school. =) mms. i tried to study just now. i stared at the maths text book and i got stucked. the first few chapters are alright for me. but the next few was so difficult. zzz. damn sad. wasted my time on unmeaningful stuff. i'm a baka alrights. hmph.

^^

2006-08-03T19:39:00.000-07:00

i got better !

i want to get well.

2006-08-01T00:07:00.000-07:00

i'm in pain for a week now. my stomach's not getting better. mama says if i don't get well soon, i'll have to go to the hospital. =(. i don't want to be admited into a hospital or whatsoever. i want to get well too. i haven't smoke for days. i haven't sleep for days either. i've been taking weird medicines for days. i don't like the taste of it. it's bitter and the worst is that mama gave me a hot medicine. it feels hot and abit spicy. yucks. i want to get well. i don't mind staying at home all day. but i mind staying at home or going out with the cramp in me. i'm worried. I WANT TO GET WELL. i don't want injections. i want to get well. i hope i will, soon.
*girl living in pain going to take her medicine~

maple `

2006-07-21T01:30:00.000-07:00

uhhs. maple everyday also quite sian de. alamaks. just now the party members so @$(&*^%$#. they make so much noise lorr. hmph. then i quit party and go fm. XD. then at fm i disturb regina. Lols. i say ribena then marco follow me call her ribena. LOL. then everyone in guild call her ribena. lols. then she call and scold me. Lols. mmms. haha. sian.
mmms. i go sleep ler.

WATCHRA !`

2006-07-14T06:37:00.000-07:00

haha ! watchra ! i going to play o2 jam EVERYDAY ! hehs. you wait ahs. one day i'll be as fast as you. hmph ! don't small see me horr. bahahahahahaha ! =xXx

clearasil -

2006-07-04T08:42:00.000-07:00

hehs. kind of bored. dots. mmms. pimples on my forehead getting better. =) thanks to clearasil pimple cream. hehs. mmms. orange flavour-ed shampoo smells nice too. haha. i'm so pathetic. uhhs. just pathetic.

campbelle-

2006-06-30T18:59:00.000-07:00

it's time for me to start thinking. waiting for my dad's job. uhhs. it seems to come so slowly.
kanasai. for no reason, you shouted at me like some idiot talking to himself. i got numb lerr. nothing makes me really angry now. i don't see a point to hate you or what. cause i've straighten out my thoughts. i'm not like you. i'm not that petty. i'm not like you. i'm not that childish anymore. i don't care. it's me i'm living with. it's not you. i don't need to care what you think of me. i don't care anymore. realising that life to me is just a game, i play on with it, just like everyone else. we only live once, and therefore, i don't want live my life hating someone as childish as you. it's not worth it using so much energy and time to think of how to anger you back the way you did to me. i won't cry, i won't think. you meant nothing to me anymore. haha. i'm living my life like this from this day. i might be happier. nothing beats me being free. i like this way. nobody forbids me to smoke or to ton late out night. it's better this way, for me.
i don't like saying things to the extend that it sounds ugly and i won't anymore. i've grown up. i'm not in pokemon centre anymore. yay !

kawaiine~
looking foward to tonight. hehs. go watch movie with watchra and chee beng. haha. Lols. i don't know if watchra got go anot leiis. if he never go then maybe i don't want go lerr. cause i've got slight headache now. i slept 3 hours only. amazing. haha ! mmms. daddy gerr seems to be very addicted to chan. haha. he talks everything about her in the day and night. it's like neverending. Lols~ mmms. just now i got nightmare. omg ! i'mlucky it's just a dream. =/.
feel like going tampines 400+ meet ah boon eat butter prata leiis. very long didn't see him lerr. Lols. mmms. regina asked me out last week. kinda happy. hhehs. but weiying's mad at her. we didn't get to meet up. =(. haha. mmms. we watched 'just my luck' last saturday. hehs. damn cute lorr. Lols. taxi~ and baby poo poo, your poo poo os costing me~ LOL !

nehhhhhh ~

depressed -

2006-06-23T23:26:00.000-07:00

i'm saddened by the fact that lies are always more than truth. the word sad is written more than the word happy. i never know what will happen in future. someone just asked me a question. he asked, "can't you do something more meaningful? what do you want?". i couldn't answer his question. something more meaningful? what do i want? i really don't know. 'what i want? what i want? what i want?!' i'm going crazy. i'm sitting infront of the computer. 'why am i here? where am i suppose to be at?' i'm suppose to be on my way home after work. 'work? working as what? i don't even have a job !' what have i been doing all these times? 'i'm playing, having fun, getting my parents worried.' why am i doing such stuffs? 'because i think i'm happy. yeahs. i'm happy. but they were only short term happiness.' then what do i intend to do now? 'i don't know !'
i've been asking myself the same questions over and over again. yet the answers remained the same. yeps. the answers are the same. same after so long. and i guess, my life will always be like that. unchanged, yet aimless.

poo poo -

2006-06-21T13:56:00.000-07:00

mmms. i woke up about an hour ago and sat in front of the computer immediately. haha. Lols. mmms. i opened the msn window and saw nutella's nick. shag-ed. i don't know what's bothering him and i don't think i should ask. cause if i ever ask all i get is a scolding from him. duhh`
well, he's going crazy if "what" goes on? and before this nick he put "nvm, i'll be the one disappeared." dots. i don't need you to disappear. and i don't want you to disappear. i seem to be repeating these sentences time and again. i don't know how the hell i'm ever going to start to talk to him again. _|_
uhhs. fcuk.

abondoned -

2006-06-19T10:39:00.000-07:00

i'm an unwanted material of whatever it is. i don't sense any need for me to be anywhere. i feel idiotic. i'm confused. my mom, dad. whatever. they don't care, it's alright. i don't mind. my borther's in camp. i'm on my own now. i just want to get a job as soon as possible and keep myself occupied. those unwanted thoughts run through my mind like running water. it's like for free. those thoughts kept coming, and i can't get them out of my head. it's so irritating that i got distracted by it. i think and think. i thought i knew what iwanted. instead, what i wanted were unnecessary. yeahs. they are not what i suppose to want. and they're classified as wants and not needs. i don't know how to live on my my crop-ed up life like this. i play games to stop thinking. sometimes, i feel something is holding me back from living how i want to live. i can't just throw away everything. if i could live my life all over again, i would. and i would prevent those stuffs from happening. i smile and laugh my day through. but when it's time to sleep, i can't help but think. when it rains, i think even more than what i usually do. when it rains, i feel like so alone left in the dark. the only good memories left for me to think when it rains is only the day marcus and i played in the rain. that's all. nothing's left. whenever i think of the incident, i feel stupid. what i did was really stupid. i thought of what i did in the past 3 years. 2 years wasting my life to play and have fun. 1 year doing NOTHING. nothing at all. all i know was that i'm being abondoned.

sick -

2006-06-18T05:32:00.000-07:00

i blog whenever i have something on my mind. and it seems like i'm blogging everyday now. i have too many things on my mind. i can't live my life just like that. i'm having headaches but i won't let any pills in my mouth. i don't even feel like drinking water. feeling very sick yet awake. i'm going mad if my life continues this way. i'll never get far in future. i want to study. but i don't feel like it. the thoughts of me getting up early every morning pulls me down. shag-ed.

uhhs. i can't take it anymore. i'm feeling very sick. think i'm gonna puke soon. =(
ima too sick to blog. duhhs`

speechless -

2006-06-16T17:08:00.000-07:00

haha. someone got me speechless today. =p.
i woke up at 12am and finally getting tired now. duhhs`
mmms. yesterday morning i was talking to dickson on the phone. he ask me go boon lay ! it's like so far lors. and he told me he bought me something. Lols. think he sleeping now like dead pig cause he message me halfway went missing(or is it because i reply him one hour later after reading the message). dots. mmms. he watch runaway vacation lers. i want watch too ! =p.
mmms. sort of hungry now. hehs. think i'd better drop the idea of eating or else i'll get fatter and fatter. and i'm fatter now already. haha. must go on a diet soon. hehs.
i was thinking about what happen a few months ago. =( i cannot help but feel helpless. i think i'm beyond cure. the barriers are so hard to get through. i can't break it in any way. time would help i guess, but how long ?
baka = jieting

duhhs`
tell me what to do.

numb -

2006-06-15T08:58:00.000-07:00

i don't know how to describe the feeling of me sitting here now, infront of the computer thinking of what i saw last night. i can't stop thinking about it and i don't want go home anymore. i haven't been home since yesterday. i miss my bed though. i wonder if my bed was still "clean". yet i can manage to smile and say "mummy, i go out liao". what am i think about. i'm suppose to trust, not to suspect. yeahs. drop the topic.
mmms. yesterday, i finally had the courage to tell him the truth. yeps. i'm both happy and sad about it. i'm happy i told him everything. i'm sad about what i did. yeahs. lying through my teeth is a terrible feeling. i'm glad that feeling is gone. =) even if i did not tell him the truth, he will guess about it. he knows me well. too well to be lied to. =x.
anyways, ima going to play my noob character lers. bahahahaha. (xiiaopootts). the tooster hair. Lols.

haha !

2006-06-13T19:24:00.000-07:00

mmms. ima meeting weiying later. *beams* =)
i'm glad. i'm finally meeting her, after so long of about 1 year. haha.
mmms. she'd better call me soon, or i'm gonna fall asleep. just woke up but feels kind of tired still.
mmms. listening to plastic flower. the song and the video of it sounds and look so tragic. it matches everything all together. hehs. finally, i'm meeting weiying. meeting someone i miss. lalala !
yesterday ah ger call me pei her go koptiam watch soccer. dots. watch till around 11plus, i went home. partly cause i saw someone i didn't want to see and because i'm really tired. i've been a good girl recently i can say. i don't let my dad worry for me that much. i call him every one or two days.
as for my mom, forget it.
changing for the better. looking foward to my first day at work. aiming high. getting closer to my goal. =). don't look at me as those who'll work one day or two day. i'm like that, you cant blame me. but this time, ima gonna work hard. all because this is my interest - traveling. yeps.
uhhs. my toot hair. i just need to think about it and it spoil my mood already. my toot hair. my maple stupid hair. uhhs ! so sad lors. waste ten dollars. i'm stupid. junk !

jieting's 11 years old ! (remember this sentence?)

unknowingly

2006-06-13T15:27:00.000-07:00

i lay on my bed, trying to fall asleep. hugged my bolster, covered with blanket. in total silence i can't hear anything. i thought of the past. how happy i was when i was just a kid. those weekend outings with my parents. those presents recieved. those people who pampered me. how much i was spoilt as a kid. i got everything i wanted.
as i grow older. my parents divorced. i hate my parents for that. i hate my uncles who support my mother to get divorced. i hate them for breaking up my family. soon, from a happy place i called home, i moved in with my aunt and stayed with her. then to my grandma's place. and finally to a house that really belonged to us, simei. yet, it was just a house. it wasn't a home.
mom tried every means and ways to make our house a home. she brought us out on weekends like before. but it wasn't the same. we had to take a cab or train from place to place. soon, my brother stopped going out with us. i was left alone. my mom didn't bring me out anymore. i spend every weekend watching television alone, my brother went out with his friends while my mom either work or she goes out too. we did our own stuffs. the feeling's never there. i never felt that i was home.
the only place i felt warmth was school. i had my friends to care for me. i had things to do. i had detentions to serve and played a fool in detention class with regina, weiying. my results came, and i failed almost every subject. i started to dislike school. i couldn't find a place where i would feel warmth anymore.
i got a job and worked together with weiying. we had lots of fun. laughing at some customers which was really bad. but i had fun. maybe, there was where i could find the feeling i lost. yeahs. there was where the feeling would be back yet i lost it, again. weiying and i was attached to eastpoint burger king. we work there like normal. on the last day of attachment, i saw a guy who used to take my friend's number. i said "hi" to him. and because of this "hi", i lost everything all together.
i started hanging out with them, had fun too. but because of this short term happiness, i lose my 2 very good friends, weiying and regina. they wouldn't forgive me for leaving them stranded. i apologised but they wouldn't budge. i apologised repeatedly and finally gave up. i don't want to lose them. they were the only ones who'll let me feel warmth, pampered and being dote. they were the only ones who'll really be there when you needed a shoulder to cry on.
i lost them over new friends. new friends they are, but how long can this friendship last ? it won't last long. 2 good friends are enough. i don't need more than that. more than that makes my life crop-ed up. i'm saddened by the fact that i'm so greedy. greedy to have more friends. more friends. but with more friends, i'm happier and also i'll be sad easier and as tears flow, no one knows. no one will care or bother either.
more than four is considered a crowd. to me, more than three is a crowd. and when there's a crowd, unnecessary stuffs will be done. and there will be regrets. but at times, i don't regret being with a crowd because being with them was how i got to know the other thems who really dote on me. those who would buy gummy bears for me. it was his house that made me feel like i was home. i wake up seeing uncle and auntie. i wait for him to finish school and like family, he accompanied me. i was never bored.
but at times, i really regret.
i think i'm stupid. yeahs. i'm a tootster or whatso-ever.
but i'd rather live my life with those who sincerely care than to grow even older and live with regrets. those lies told. those promises broken. i live with them as part of my life called memories.

i think i know what i want now. and i'll work towards my goal.
i'm sure you won't be disappointed with me.
you'll be the first i thank if i ever succeed, and hopefully i will. <3

nothing matters, do they ?

2006-06-12T20:50:00.000-07:00

does anything ever matters now ? do they ever mean a thing ?
i don't want just anything. i want everything. but still, even if i've got everything, it's still not enough. i never get enough of anything. i ain't wrong, was i ?
was i ever been so unhappy that i lost my mind ? if i did, what was it that cause me so depressed. if i was really happy, who was the one who kept me laughing?
if i had amnesia, i wouldn't remember a thing. if i lost my memory, how will my life be like ? after all these games, did i win or did i lose ?

i was glad. glad that i know who truly cared. who didn't. and i'm angry now. i asked my friend to help me buy cigg. when he reach my house downstairs call me. and until now my cigg's not here !

uhhs.

2006-06-09T09:45:00.000-07:00

i don't need and i don't want you to disappear .

time changes everything !

2006-05-29T23:58:00.000-07:00

uhhs. i don't know why. but i feel like crying. i miss ivan and xiao gerr. shag. they changed so much. i miss the old thems. i want everything back to the past. uhhs. but i don't know why. i don't mean to give gerr a stupid face. but whenever i see him, i will think of how he go and hong then pang seh me. then i shag-ed liaos. hais. i don't know lars. then last time when i shag, when i cry, ivan was there for me more than marcus was. ivan still go downstairs buy 2 big packets of gummy bears give me then go meet his sister. hais. aiyahs . what da fuck . dots dots dots . ngehs ! _|_

change-ed !

2006-05-27T11:19:00.000-07:00

i miss them. dots. i miss marcus. miss the old xiao gerr and ivan. dots. things changed so rapidly. the crop-ed up life of mine is like this.

back to marlboro reds, back to the past.

2006-05-19T17:36:00.000-07:00

mmms. sometimes i really wonder if it is possible to return to where i came from. turn back the time to where i want it to be. everything seems hopeless. in additional, those nightmares i had the past few days were really scary. the pig sticker on my bag starts to drop a little by little each day. it's like the shattered memories starting to fade day by day. i really don't want to lose him you see. but everything seems just so pathetically hopeless. somehow i just wished we would be caught in the rain again together and run up the overhead bridge happily. somehow i just wished he would bite my face again. somehow i wished he would be there again just for me. he could. but he doesn't want to do so. or maybe, my name is under the hate list in his heart. maybe, there's another girl in his heart. maybe, he doesn't like to cook packet noodles in the middle of the night. i don't know. i just wished he would tell me what i should do. what should i do to make him forgive me. he's not just anyone in my heart. he stays in an important position that i noticed only now. it's too late. but i really want to go back to the past. maybe someday, i will forget him. but jieting says she won't. no matter what. he'll remain in her heart. cause, no one ever treated her nicer than he does. no one has made her cry more than he does. no one was there for her more than he was. though i said i had nightmares recently. it might not be a nightmare to the others around me. but to me, it was a dream i never want to have. i dreamt of him scolding me in front of everyone. i dreamt that he pushed me away so hard that i fell. since i had those dreams, i don't dare to sleep. i don't want a dream like that. at times, i wonder if the dream would happen to me. i don't want things to turn out like this. gong gong and popo. does he still remember us? does he remember spongebob? does he remember F&N grape and orange mix? or did he forget everything. shag-ed.

i said everything from the bottom of my heart.

2006-05-17T10:52:00.000-07:00

mmms. feeling quite down at this moment. uhhs. i also don't know why i feel so jealous. beng told me that he saw marcus and leonard's stead walking together like very close like that. hear liao also shag 100%. hais. shag-ed. mmms. i don't know lars. shag. shag. shag. what am i suppose to do? i wrote a testimonial for him. i wrote everything i wanted to say. i wrote everything with true sincerity. i wrote with deep feelings. uhhs. i took alot of courage to write something like that. shag. i wonder how he will think. or everything will remain as what it is. or maybe he'll avoid me more. hais. i don't know lars. shag shag shag. lend me a shoulder to cry on. will ya? i don't need just anyone but him. i cannot live without him lors. uhhs. i'm so bored without anyone playing yahoo pool with me. damn it. what have i done. i'm here without you.

hhehs. stomachh cramp agaiin.

2006-05-12T13:34:00.000-07:00

dots. stomachh cramp agaiin. sad case. dots. mmms. so boriing leiis. stone leiis. hhaha. mmms. justt nnow gerr very wahht lorrhhs. we wait for hhiim so long. dhen iin the end he go miitt ivan. =(. hhaiis. shag.

dong dong `

2006-05-11T02:22:00.000-07:00

mmms. yesterday ii miitt watchra andd yeebeng. dhen when we walking tuhh eastpoint hhorr. dunn noe hhu corr dhen we go pasir ris. dots. dhen ii saw leonard before we take cab. hhaha. mmms. dhen reach pasir ris lerrhhs. dhen nothing lerrhhs. dots. dhen we go central dherr and dong dong. hhehs. mmms. dhen we come back simeii. awhile latta we miit baboo. dhen go findd some ppl. dhen after dhat we go backk kopitiam. dhen ii wann go home. cause very hot. dhen ii tell daddiie gerr say ii wann go home. dhen he tell watchra. dots. dhen watchra send miies home lorrhhs. dhen after dhat, when walking home ii saw marcus. hhaiis. we didnt even talk lorrhhs. shag-ed. hhaiis. dhen ii almost want tuhh cry lerrhhs. dhen watchra talk talk talk dhen never cry lerrhhs. hhaha. dots. mmms. alamakks. ii go bathe lerrhhs.

mmms .

2006-05-06T11:29:00.000-07:00

mmms . nnow ad marcus house . dhen marcus andd ivan sleeping . mmms . veryy long neverr see marcus lerrhhs . dots . ivan stiiuu angry withh miies . so is marcus loOrrhhs . dhen ii come up only when dhey sleeping . hhaha . miss hhiim loOrrhhs . =pPp

mahh mood swing came again .

2006-04-30T12:45:00.000-07:00

thoughts of how no one can bbiie nicer to miies more than him . uhhs . i'm always thinking aboutt this man . ii donn wann do lanjiaotaiji also de marr . ii guess im just trying to bbiie a stupid fool lorrhhs . shagg-ed .

ii woke upp cryiing.

2006-04-29T10:52:00.000-07:00

mmms. morning when ii woke up horrhhs. i dreamt dhat ii saw marcus ad some kind of bus stop leiis. dhen ii donn dare see hiim dhen ii walk away. but he never see miies. dhen walk too fast i fall down. dhen he saw miies dhen ii faster walk off. dhen he also dunno walk go where. dhen awhile latta i saw him again. he infront of miies holding da excercise book. da excercise book is he last time inside got write i love u all these de. dhen he pass to mies. dhen i open. inside he write alot of things. then i read and read until i cry. then ii wake up crying. then the whole pillow wet. dots. dhen ii sit up andd think of alot of things again dhen continue crying like hell. hhaii. sadd lorrhhs. ii think i love him. mmms. ii also dunno leiis. all ii noe is that without him i feel very weird. very uncomfortable. dhen i miss him alot. dhen got da feeling ii wann go find him dhat kind. ii also dunno leiis. im so confused. alamakks. i really miss him lots lorr. ii also donno what ii doing. hhais. andd ii also dunno whye ii am feeling this way. hhaiis. dots. ii miss uu. ii really miss uu lots. ii do miss uu. more than anyone else. im thinking of uu every moment. andd ii dunno whye. ii miss uu man. hhaiis.

marcus talkedd tuhh miies on msn !

2006-04-27T14:31:00.000-07:00

bahahahhahaha ! i'm so happiiee todae. hahha. ii woke upp andd switch on da monitor. ii saw marcus talking tuhh miies on msn. bahahaha. so hapiie leiis. bleahs. hhehs. mmms. dhen last night, daddiie gerr smsed miies. mmms. so happiie. hhaha. mmms. today morning, ahh leong corr miies leiis. dunn noe he corr forr wahht leiis. dhen miss corr liiaos. dhenn ii corr back. Lols. lame horrhhs. iiyOos. dunn care hhiim nahs. hhaha. mmms. for da past few days horrhhs, ii`ve been smoking marlboro lights leiis. so guai lOrrhhs. dhenn from lights slowly never smoke. hahha. bleahs. dhen next time ii won't bbiie smoking lerrhhs. yeahs. hahha. dhen iif one day he forgive miies, he won't need tuhh breathe iin smelly cigg smells lerrhhs. hhaha. yepp yepps. =)). hhaha. mmms. ii thought of hhelpiing mahh dad's girlfriend workk leiis. hhelp hher make calls. hhehs. shouldd bbiie alright bahhs. hhaha. Lols. dhen ii everyday ad home also cann leiis. hhaha. miies now waiiting forr da hyatt hotel manager tuhh corr miies leiis. yepps. he faster corr dhen ii can faster go wOrkk. hhehs. yepps. last night ii went fisherman withh mahh dad andd his friends. sot sia. da friends both a little sot de leiis. drink too muchh ar. one say i`m his daughter. dhen one say i`m his girlfriend. alamakks. ii lookk so old mehhs? Lols. dhen they speed on da road leiis. running more than 200 on normal road. drifting ad turns. alamakks. the brake also number one de. da sound damn nice ar. hhaha. almost vomit last night. hhaha. *beams* ii today very happy lorrhhs. cause marcus talk tuhh miies on msn. hhehs. *beams*

thoughts of you, tears roll.

2006-04-27T00:01:00.000-07:00

mmms. just reachh home. sOrrt of shag. yeahs. daddiie gerr wrote miies a testii. hhaiis. ii miss dhem lOrrts. yeahs. especially marcus.

wo bu zhi dao nii, haii ai bbu aii wo.
a part of "my anata".

hhaiis. my anata. shag. rememberr dhatt day. ii corr hhis house. we were talkking abOot this song. Lols. he say this song very funny. ii wOnnt forget de. were all da memorriies forgotten? were all of dhem meant nothing tuhh uu? ii realliie wannt tuhh askk uu this. budd ii noe, uu wont ever want tuhh talkk tuhh miies agaiin de. hhaiis. playing da song my anata this moment. thoughts of you. playing dhis song over andd over agaiin. thinkiing of those memoriies repeatedly. wanting tuhh noe hhow uu are doing recently. hhave uu eaten? or did uu eat just your dinner liikk always? maybbiie you`re ad kopitiam eating your breakfast, lunch andd dinner all ad one go now? eating prata, mee hoon kuay, fried rice, chiken wing rice? or sleeppiing ad home leiis? helpping leonard chiong maple ehhs? thiink so bahhs. or watching da television. wearing your spectacles. Lols. ii always made uu angry. budden uu stiiuu forgive miies after some time. budd now, ii wonder when will uu ever forgive miies. ii broke da promise ii made tuhh uu ad kopitiam. tiinnkk uu also angry about this bahhs. tiinkk uu wont forgive miies de. just wanna let ya noe dhat there`s just no one like uu. cause uu are my only one. yeahs. ii miss uu. ii`ve decided tuhh wait, forr uu. liikk hhow ii did 2 years ago. when ii waiited forr someone for three years. yeahs. ii`ve forgotten how iids liikk tuhh wait for someone lerr. yeahs. waiting forr uu will bbiie tough. budd, ii will stiiuu wait.

yi zhi deng dao nii yuan liang wo de na yi tian.
deng dao ni zai shi wo de gong gong wei zhi.
deng dao na yi tian.
wo bbu hui fang qi.
deng dao na yi tian.
ii wann tuhh bbiie your popo for life.
realliiee.
as iin, a real POPO.
gong gong andd popo.
ii wann tuhh bbiie your wife(like what you said) for life !
ii wont give upp de.

guo zhong, heard uu this few days sick like hell ehhs?
take care alrights?
watchra, cheer upp alrights?
boon, nOrrtt ii wann cry in front of uu.
budd ii realliie miss da times ii andd hiim play dai di.
thoughts of iid, tears will roll.
ii dunn wann iid this way either.
daddiie gerr, ii noe forgiving is hard.
andd ii want tuhh bbiie your daughter, for life.
apple, ii noe ii did someting realliie very dui bu qi ni.
budd, ii dunn mean iid. sorry.
leonardd, thanks for forgiving andd lending miies a listening ear.
panda, sorry forr wahht ii have done.
sorry forr da disappointments.
thanks for those happy times.
marcus, ii`ll wait forr uu.
ii miss uu. iim sorry.
an chun, sorry forr hurting.
ii dont mean iid.
findd someone else.

nobody will ever take away his place iin mahh heart.
thats for sure.
ii dunn noe hhow long ii`ll wait.
budd ii will wait sincerely.
andd definitely, ii promise, no more lan jiao tai ji will ii ever do again.
all ii wann iis your forgiveness.
thats what ima gonna focus on.
andd i`ll lookk for a real job, workk hard liikk uu wanted miies to.
workk long so that iid will bbiie worth while.
yeahs?

blogging for da second time todae !

2006-04-21T22:51:00.000-07:00

mmms. wahas. ii so happy. finally marcus talk tuhh miies. wahas. ii never thought he would talk tuhh miies lorrhhs. wahas. ii so happy dhat ii feel liikk crying lorrhhs. budden ii also dunno if its considered talking anot leiis. liikk scoldiinng miies leiis. ii also dunno leiis. andd ids only one sentence. alamakks. hhaha. aniiwaes, iim just so happy. wahas. bleahs. poot poot poot. wahas. im so happy lorrhhs. hhehs. wahas. hehhes. ii so happy lorrhhs. he finally talk tuhh miies lerr. wahas. so happu. hhahahahahah. poot poot poot. ii so happy lorrhhs. wahas. poot poot. hahahahhaha. so happiie leiis. bleahs. ii so happiiee he talk tuhh miies lorrhhs. wahas. poot. hhehs. ii wann continue watch spongebob lerr. wahas. so happy. hhahahahah. yay ! yay ! yay ! poot. wahas. so happiie. ='))

pieces of broken memories -

2006-04-21T19:11:00.000-07:00

mmms. talking tuhh leonardd on da phone last nite. hhaiis. so sadd lorrhhs. ii miss dhem so muchh man. ii miss "hhiim" da most. but even he, is angry. hhaiis. ii want tuhh turn back da time. budden ii cant. mmms. ii was thinkkiing of maniiee tiings last night. da times he acompanied miies tuhh play in da rain. iid was so unforgettable lorrhhs. dhen he very cold. budd he stiiuu peii miies play. dhen we ran up the overhead bridge ad mahh house dherr de. mmms. ii miss those times. dhen when he tongbang miies, he bite my face. Lols. so pain lorrhhs. he sat beside miies though he hated cigg smell. he accompanied miies through da night. lollipops, gummy bears. everything. so unforgettable. dhen he sit beside miies see miies edit profile dhen make noise say he want play maple, gunbound all these. hhaha. ii miss him so much. no one will ever treat miies as nice as he did. no one can do what he did. no one take my attitudes as well as he did. nobody cann de. all because there`s onlyy one marcus iin this world. there won't bbiie a second marcus lerr. dhen when we go down eat all these, some primary school kids will ask hhim that one your girlfriend ar. then he will say no, she my wife. hhaha. if only. if only it remained that way. if only ii was his wife for always. if only ii cherished hhiim a little more. ii want tuhh bbiie his wife for life. his popo for life. if only he would be my gong gong for life. if only all these would remained. if only. i'm sorry. iif yoo gave miies a choice between ah leong and marcus. i`ll choose marcus. ii wont regret choosing marcus. cause there are many ah leongs. but there's only one marcus. mmms. only that marcus will cheer miies up, make miies happy and on the same hand, made miies cry so hard. ii realliie miss him alot. ii cannot live without him. only now that i realise how important he is in my life. even if one day he forgive miies, ii don't think it will be the same anymore. but he won't even forgive miies. everytime i cry, he will just sit beside miies and wait for miies tuhh bbiie done with crying. everytime i cry, he was there. except for dhat day at arcade when i saw him, huixiong and lulu. i saw him playing happily. all i could do was standing from a distance and look. and yesterday. when i thought of some stuffs again. da times we played in da rain. yes, i regret. i really regret alot. others told miies not to think so much. but, i cannot dont think about it. it just keep popping into my mind. what can i do ? all these left were just pieces of broken memoriies. yeahs. and the thoughts of hiim. <\3

ii will waitt.

i`m touched.

2006-04-19T19:16:00.000-07:00

mmms. watchra found da yi ran shi peng you video. =')). i`m so touched. ii was thinking wahht video iid was. dhen ii heard yi ran shi peng you. i`m really so touched. he treated miies so nicely yet ii made hiim so diappointed. ii`m so ashamed of myself. hhaiis. maybbiie ii shouldd just kill myself. shag. norrt just watchra. even leonard talked tuhh miies so nicely. ii think ii should just knock myself against the wall. hhaiis. iim realliiee glad tuhh hhav pipo liikk dhem iin mahh life. without dhem, where am ii ? thanks man. other than thanks ii realliie hhav nothing tuhh say. iim sorry.

ii went for an interview yesterday ad watami. the manager will confirm da schedule with miies todae. yepps. ii must work hard andd show da others dhat ii ain't rubbishh liikk uu think ii was. dhats what leonard say. ii realliie must work hard and think carefully what ii havv done all these while. iids time forr miies to think like how i should think. do things im suppose tuhh do. workk hardd andd bbiie a better person. those hhu consoled miies aboot dhat day stayed with miies all these while. dhey never once let miies felt sad iin their presence. except forr yesterday. on da way tuhh interview around afternoon, the train passed by simeii. ii wanted to get out of da train tuhh lookk forr leonard, marcus, watchra andd daddiie gerr andd hug them tight. real tight that i will never forget dhem. but ii dont have the courage tuhh do so aniimore. tuhh dhem, iim nothing. just a piece of thrash left tuhh bbiie taken by others hhu might also look ad miies as another piece of thrash. dhats all dhat was left. then on da way back after interview, i thought i saw dhem outside arcade. i aint sure. cause ii was only able tuhh take a glance of simeii. well, ii feel like crying. in the situation ii am iin, ii dont think aladdin, tarzan or even the fairly odd parents will save miies uu see. everything`s hopless. ii give upp.

ii realliiee give up lerr.

i was nothing to you i guess.

2006-04-17T12:33:00.000-07:00

you made me happy regardless of whatever it is. you stayed with me when i needed someone. you help me with whatever i do. you accompanied me though its boring. play yahoo pool with me. go arcade but only see me play. sat beside me though you hated cigg smell. but now you left. what am i suppose to do. how am i suppose to be happy. i swear i will only be happy if you forgive me and that we will be friends again. happier than whether ah leong is with me or not. only now that i realised you were more important than him. the things you said hurts more than when he broke up with me. it hurts more than what ivan said. hurts more than how xiao gerr treated me. it hurts more than ivan saying me a plk, more than xiao gerr`s cold shoulders. more than anything else. i never thought i will lose you though. i regret waht i said. but waht i said now, is nothing but craps lerr. you won't forgive me de. but if in this way you wil be happier as in me not appearing in front of you. then i wont let you see me ler. cause you will be happier. thanks man, for everything.

ii wont forgive, ii wont forget.

2006-04-16T06:02:00.001-07:00

uhhs. yesterday some idiot throw 10cents ad miies ehhs ? ii wont forget de. mmms. had a talk with jie jie last nite. she told miies lorrts of tiings andd askk miies donn angry lerr. cause she throw ten cents is because her husband cant afford to pay. hhaha. Lols. ii hear liiaOo ii also happy ar. hhaha. aniiwaes, ii going tuhh chalet andd findd ahh boon lerr. =)). askk hiim peii miies talk ar. hhaha. Lols. he so poor thing. hhaha. mmms. ii wont trust aniione lerr. everyone`s wearing a mask out. ii cant tell huu is hu. why pipo change so damn fast ar. pootui. forget iid man. iids better iif everyone fuck the floor. hhaha. aniiwaes, fuck the floor man !

marcus, marucs, marcus.

2006-04-14T15:37:00.001-07:00

marcus, happy birthday.

i miss youu.

im sorry.

forgive miies.

i miss marcus !

2006-04-11T04:36:00.000-07:00

mmms. i miss marcus lots. i read his profile minutes ago. i edit his profile for him de. there's this part where it wrotes " loves disturbing tak leh leh . NO MORE ". uhhs. shag lehhs. mmms. come to think of it. it was a minor stuff. yet we didn't talk for long. nobody peii miies lerr. he won't peii miies lerr. he was always the one who pei miies de. but he left. damn shag. really miss him lots. next time i put nail polish he also won't be there lerr. i edit profile nobody complain say want to play maple or gunbound lerr. then nobody will cook maggiie mee forr me. then when i bathe nobody peii me talk outside. then yahoo pool also nobody pei me play. shag. uhhs. i rather i never stead with ah leong before then continue slacking at their house. at least i know if they pei me. they wil pei me for always. i took the wrong path again. the same as when i decided to leave regina they all for some others who might lie to me. uhhs. ima always making the worng decision. always taking the wrong path. always making mistakes then regret later on. fuck. uhhs. shag. my head so pain sia. @*!$)^%*@&%(^)_. =.(

i really do miss you lots duhh`
maybe you still angry with me lorr.
but what i said that monster thing wasn't on purpose de lorr.
you know it de lorr.
but you`re as angry.
shag. well, take care lehhs.

i'm not battery operated.

2006-04-07T19:22:00.000-07:00

uhhs. sadded. suddenly realise that jasmine don't understand me. all the things i hate to hear came from her mouth. every single sentence i don't like came from her. i don't want it this way. i'm trying ler lorr. then you all must say things until like that. angsio still say if i hurt watchra or what he will do someting to me. he want he slap me or what also like that. he slap me thousand times, throw me into the sea or what, my feelings are still the same. maybe as time passes, i will like him. but for now, i really don't. jasmine still say " then in the first place you stead for what " as in everything's my fault. i find no reason to explain further ler. i'm so sick of these craps. *shucks* maybe daddy gerr will understand bahhs. but then, hais. i'm so sad. luckily tianling lend me a listening ear. she said not to cry and don't care them ler. her words are the most consoling. uhhs. she was there. when i needed her. jasmine wasn't there. even darren called. he said tianling told him someone bully me. even he cared. he called to ask. he called and show concern. i'm so touched. i love both of them lots. always.

thanks for holding me down.
you were there when i needed someone.
someone like DARREN and TIANLING.
i love them lots, for always.

i miss him so much.

2006-04-04T03:24:00.000-07:00

mmms. there's no special happenings today. i just feel so shag. hais. i miss him so much. i lost the barbell he gave me. i hate myself. hais. if i can find that barbell, i swear i won't lose it again anymore. i want the barbell back. it's the only thing left. the only memory left between him and me. i can't even keep a thing simple like this. until i find the barbell, i won't sleep tonight. uhhs. so shag. i don't want to let go of anything. i want him back. everytime i walk pass his house to go find gerr and the rest, i was thinking. i used to walk this path to his house. and now i walk pass it, without even going up. why am i here for. i feel like crying out loud. i don't have any mood to do anything. if there's anything i could do. all i will do is hug him tightly, and never let him leave me again. you know i meant it when i say those words. and i know you're most probably just lying all the time. nothing hurts me anymore. the only thing that hurts is when i know you lied and i told myself to believe you. i made myself believe you. that's the only thing that hurts real deeply. liars are insane. yet i love that you so much. i must be insane myself. i lied to myself too. telling myself that you wasn't lying. i should believe you. i must trust you. when i come to realise i was lying to myself all the time. i hated myself so much. you left me stranded alone on this long path i still have to walk on. you accompanied someone else to walk, and left me behind. that's what you did. you left me alone. the things i promised you, i will fufil it. it's not a one day or two day thing. give me time, and i'll show you how promises are meant to be kept. never to be broken. and why liars are insane. i told you "Let's go man," i really mean it. times when you want me to be there, i will be. as i promised, just give me a call. but times when i needed someone to be there, who will be. it wasn't you or anyone else. i was all alone crying my heart out like an idiot. like a lost kid shouting for mama. you never noticed that i was gone. you never knew how i felt. i was left behind. being abandoned by you. even when i here blogging, i don't even know where you are. are you fine. have you eaten. did you have enough sleep. how are things between you and your mom. well, im lost.

uhhs . happenings on APRIL FOOL !

2006-03-31T14:44:00.000-08:00

mmms . todae arrhhs . alot of happenings arrhhs . starting from miies waking up , i went to meet tianling . then we took a cab to xiaoyong friend`s chalet . he paid the cab fare . then , i saw baby , ah leong`s ex stead . alamaks . mmms . then i went back to simei . meet jasmine . they all play april fool game arrhhs . hhaha . buay tahan . then take cab to fisherman village . Lols . paid by edwin . went there , saw weiguang only . then a bastard came . then i and that bastard quarrel . then jasmine also come fisherman village meet her friends . then i went to meet her . saw her arrhhs . then tianling , jasmine and i chat for awhile . then edwin call . then dont know say what arrhhs . awhile later , apple msg jasmine . say what they got something on . dots . made me so worried . hais . then i take cab back to the chalet meet xiaoyong . he pay cab fare again . then awhile later , daddy finally msg me say i can go find him lerhhs . then tianling , jasmine and i take cab go find them . when we reach , i saw them all fine and kicking . walk into the multi story carpark only to find out that it was APRIL`S FOOL ! diiaOs . shag lorrhhs . i dont know todae i take how many times cab lerrhhs . haha . happy APRIL FOOL DAY ! X))

it's the truth or are they just a pack of lies ?

2006-03-31T07:29:00.000-08:00

mmms . just now , i went to meet ah leong . he moving out soon ler . moving to beach road . hais . shag . then he will mia then i can't find him ler . it's always like that . even if next time i going to meet him also difficult . so far . i pass my ez link card to him . cause he take mrt all these damn chorr . hhaiis . he arrhhs , never change de . stupid . mmms . just now he told miies he loves miies and bla bla bla . then i was thinking that he was just lying . then again , he told miies he wasnt . shag . i can never read whats on his mind . im so damn confused . alamaks . watchra is a nice guy . =)) . yepps . but he number one stoner lehhs . hhahas . buay tahan . andd i use his phone use until very shiok arrhhs . hhahas . LOLs . =xXx . mmms . well , ima going tuhh sleep . yepps . im tired . iids 7.26am now . omg ! andd im still here . hahas .

iim norrt hhappiie ad all -

2006-03-27T13:47:00.000-08:00

todae damn siian siia . some idiot scoldd miies . siian 1/2 . mmms . todae ahh leong viewed mahh profile . hmph ! he gorrt new girlfriend lerrhhs , view mahh profile forr wahht sehh . bbastard . shag . mmms . pallakiat asked for my answer . Lols . he ask iin a damn sweet way man . Lols . hhaha .

mmms . went out with jasmine in the middle of the night just now . hhaha . went tuhh fisherman village . dhen go changi village . dhen changi airport . dhen orchardd . hhaha . heng arhhs . iif norrt sure damn shag de . we first time so hhappiie together lorrhhs . hhaha . virgin~ LOLs . mmms . dhen first time go drink together . first time go home together . hhehs . so hhappie . im glad i found a friendd iin her . ad least , she can bbiie trustedd . she dont turn her back against youu when you niided her . hhaha . IM GLAD ! thanks tuhh her , ii`ve decided tuhh forget him . yepps . =)) .

ahh leong , this ishh mahh broken hhappiness .
andd ids all because of you .
someday , i`ll bbiie happy .
realliie hhappiie dhen ii was before you .

keng , dont push all the blame tuhh miies .
ii may be selfish , may be inconsiderate .
but , this is me . and jasmine is jasmine .
there`s no point clinging onto her , if she realliie wants to bbiie withh you .
andd , face the fact that youu got another girlfriend andd that she has never loved you .
she`s never forget glen .
i dont know if the one smsing me is you or not .
i may be extra , buay zi dong .
but , whatever .
all ii knoe is that , I DONT SEE WHY YOU FUCKING KAOPEI ME !
thats the main point .
we never get along well ever since that happening .
and i dont want it this way .
it isnt nice .
i dont like it .
you enjoy ranting at me , dont ya ?
continue bahs .

addictedd to him -

2006-03-23T12:30:00.000-08:00

attitude is nothing . it`s how you take it . boy , i know i love you . but it`s no use how much i do . cause in your mind , you have someone else . and that someone isn`t me . *sigh*

define the word " angry " !

2006-03-22T04:28:00.001-08:00

uhhs . farrkk mann . someone gave miies attitude todae . damn dulan . farrkk ! hhaiis . ii dont know larrhhs . vinegar smell so strong . lame lorrhhs . last time she do dhat tuhh miies ii also keep mahh mouth shut . andd now she want liikk dhat . kanina lehhs . dulan ! hhaiis . lame lorrhhs . sometimes right , when i realliie use mahh mind andd think , ii fell dhat ii did alot of wrong stuff lorrhhs . andd ii regret iid lorrts . hhaiis . shagg lorrhhs . siian 1/2 . =(

hhehs .

2006-03-22T00:21:00.000-08:00

wahas . iim home . hhehs . ii tiinnkk ii cute lorrhhs . andd ii lobb myself . a lil sot bodoh . hhahha . Lols .

someone dua pao .

2006-03-21T02:38:00.001-08:00

some gerr put bomb andd left . andd i realliie hate iid lorrts . once bitten ; twice shy . ids enuff . youu bastardd miies twice . since that time i andd ivan quarrel because i dua him . i never dua anyone lerrhhs . yet this is wahht you do . i and leonard waited for youu for 2 hours . youu todae say want to meet miies . then in the endd . wahht a piece of shit youu left forr miies . youu think very shuang ehs ? leave liiaos also never say bye . wahht fucking attitude is this . youu used someone else to replace the one youu loved in your heart . is this right nots ? youu dua miies , youu lied . youu farker . i and leonard try not to be angry last night . in the end , youu came up and in less than an hour you left . we waited in vain . we waited for nothing except for a piece of shit left to be claimed . what is this ? ehhs , youu enough liiao lahs horrhhs . kanina . youu want my daddy to say sorry to youu cause he say you plk . lame lorrhhs . he wont be angry if you din lie to him lorrhhs . wahht in the hell you want ?!!!!! i`ll never trust you again . you cant be trusted . nothing you do will ever gain my trust . I SWEAR ! cause you are like her and the other her . its not that i want to say you or waht lorrhhs . i msg youu andd all you said was keng and keng . and then no more . i waited 4 hours todae . you made miies wait for 6 hours in total . and apple NEVER dua miies before lorrhhs . andd when i msg you say i wait for youu all these all you replied was a single word okaes . waht the fark . arent you guilty ad all ? and when you left , the attitude you gave was so fucked up . shit . piece of shit . liar . i had enuf lorrhhs . farkking DULAN .

DUA KANG YAO XIU !

workk ad bbugis todae .

2006-03-14T09:28:00.000-08:00

mmms . well , todae i saw alot of ppl . Lols . i saw tianling , shawn , eden , helmet , anson , sri , jerlin . hhaha . so manii people lorrhhs . mmms . todae when working quite fun ahs . but tiring on the same hand . Lols . hhaha . tianling buy miies watermelon juice . hhehs . andd ahh ming stiiuu owe miies packets of sweets lorrhhs . james also ! they both owe miies sweets ! hhaha . Lols . todae got one customer damn fucked upp de . buy bag no money pay . farrkk . make miies dulan . hhaiis . shagg . dhen just now ad bugis i thought i saw ahh leong . but im not that sure . i thought i really saw him . hhais . i still cant really forget him lorrhhs . shagg . then yesterday i and daddiie gerr sort of quarrel . shag . mmms . todae alot of things happen lorrhhs . i lost 10 dollars . siian 1/2 . i miss him . mmms . but forget it nahs . maybe he also got new , pretty girlfriend lerrhhs . hhahs . what the hell am i talking about ? i shouldnt even probe about how he`s doing l0rrhhs . aiyahs . i should just concentrate on working hard . dont wanna let my family members worry . mms . thats the way ! yay ! haha . Lols . i find myself a little lame lorrhhs . haha . the wound inside is starting to heal lerrhhs . bit by bit . it will eventually heal one day . yeahs . but i know even if one day the wound heals , i`ll still think of him . i know i will . he contains a very big chapter in my life . yepps . he will . i`ll think of the happy times when im with him . andd forget about the unhappy times . i`ll feel better . i`ll think clearer . hhaha . yeah . im missing his hugs now ! hhais . someone lend miies a shoulder to cry on hao mahs ?

im missing youu this moment .

missing the old ivan -

2006-03-13T06:06:00.000-08:00

mmms . i didnt go work todae . stomach damn pain . alamaks . shagg lorrhhs . then i had to stay indoors . andd eat stupid medicines given by the doctor . tamade . stupid monkey . then i dont have ciggies to smoke lerrhhs . fark lorrhhs . sian 1/2 . then just now sleep until so shuang then wake up cause of the stomach pain . shag lorrhhs . then now pain again . the medicine also kanalan . shucks . then the medicine machiam no effect de lorrhhs . no use de . eat liiao still pain . hmph !

mmms . tamade . ivan damn xiao qi lorrhhs . lame larrhhs he . like to give ppl attitude . just because i never answer him . i feel like asking him to stop being so lame , so stupid . he`s getting more and more childish . more and more like those little kiddies playing at neighbourhood playgrounds lorrhhs . i like the way he is in the past . the current ivan just SUCKS . what joker sixty nine . piece of shit lorrhhs . i joker seventy seven larrhhs . siiaOos . he must change till so drastic mahs . so weird . so unexpectable . alamaks . what is he thinking . im his so called nu er ahhs . lame lorrhhs . nu er ? a father treats a nuer like that de mehs . kanalan . aiyahhs . im tiredd of these nonsense lerrhh mann . sian 1/2 . hmph !

i aint living the life i want .

addicted -

2006-03-08T17:52:00.000-08:00

mmms . im still so addicted to him . omg . miss him lots man . shag . got once he went down 813 . then i ask baboo go down with me . then , in the end he went home lers . what the fish . but even if i really saw him , i also dont know what i should say lors . aiya . i was thinking , maybe i should just take it as he has never love me before . maybe by thinking that way , its easier to forget him . but somehow i wish he will be back by my side . and i still pin for that little may-be-impossible hopes in my heart . waiting for him . cause i really cant forget him . maybe someday i will . haha . i dont even know . omg . i kept recalling back the times when i and him dont even know each other . it was like so funny lors . so happy . so innocent . haha . but its all gone ler man . uhhs . so sad . and i know he wont even be bothered to check whats on my friendster . shag . we are like strangers now . its okays . i wont forget that day he got drunk . then ask me go find him . i was thinking that we already broke up . i dont see a reason why i should go find him . but i didnt hesitate for long then took a cab from tampines to simei go find him . when i reach , he was like really very drunk lors . i also dont know he drink so much for what . stupid . hais . then he dropped his barbell . dots . i cried , he scolded . we talked , and i smoked . he was tired , and went to sleep . i stayed by his side till he totally fell asleep . wrote a note , find his barbell . whispered into his ear and told him " i miss you , i go le . take care of yourself ." then took his key , opened the door , walked out , throw the key into the room , and left . that was what happened on 28.o2.2oo6 . hais . i wanted so much to hug him again . well , forget it . i guess i`ll never be able to hug him again lohs . hais . hack care lahs . if he loves me , he WILL be back . if not , he WONT .

oh yahs . i went for the interview after all . that guy say my training starts on this friday which is tommorow . Lols . a lil` scared . haha . sell bag . omg . haha . i only know how to buy a bag . haha . diiaOs . -_-"

mmms . later me going to ping yi secondary find ivan and marcus . Lols . siians lehs . im like rotting ler . haha . Lols . thought of meeting angie . budden , she busy lehhs . maybe i go home bathe then go find ivan or what lors . haha . Lols .

AH LEONG , I REALLY DO MISS YOU !
i dont believe anyone can take his place ..

_|_

2006-03-06T23:25:00.000-08:00

fark lahs . shag lors . ppl always break promises de . now i want to go interview also cannot . i want to work also cannot . say want to go then in the end say dont want . same like ah leong , my mama . fuck lors . shit them lahs . so sad lors . ah leong say wont leave me , lan jiao wei . in the end he also left . then my mama also another one . fuck lahs . my dad also . promises are meant to be kept and lying is bad lors . shucks . fark lahs . donn work then dont work lahs . no money only mahs . _|_

28.o2.2oo6

2006-03-03T04:06:00.000-08:00

i went to his house on thursday . hais . he was dead drunk . see liao i also shag . i also dont know what i should say or do . hais . also dont know why he drink so much for . then just now he call me . say he going to drink with his friends again . diiaOos . then he drunk that time ask me for patch . then now lehs ? say donno . then until just now he call me i ask him got patch or not de . he say dont have . hong gan lahs . shag . then just now Sunny call me . then i tell him i shag . i also tell him say i want to wait for ahh leong . he ask me to think carefully . cause wait for a person not so easy de . but i cant stop thinking about him . shagg . hhais . how lehs ? sometimes after we broke up , i feel like just stop thinking of being together with anyone anymore . very xin ku lors . i really dont know why ahh leong like that . say later then call back , he also never call . im gg to wait till he call me . cause he say he will call de . so i`ll stay here and wait till he call . hais . shagged . till now he still havent call lors . how long am i suppose to wait . alamaks . shagg .

am i numb or what ?

2006-02-27T11:05:00.000-08:00

uhhs . i donn knoe if ii should feel sad or whatt . sometimes when i think of him , i will still feel sadd . but at times , ii cant even bbiie bothered lorrhhs . ii also donno nahs . dOts . quite sadd also larrhhs . i donwan thiinkk of hhiim . the things ii buy for him still have one boxer pants andd one lighter . dOtts . one day , i`ll pass iit to hiim de . keepp iit or throw it away , its upp tuhh hhiim nahs . ii cant bbiie bothered also lerrhhs . hhaiis . ii also donn knoe whatt he wants . maybbiie he also g0rrt new girlfriend lerrhhs ii also donn knoe . hhahs . whatt the hell . shag . ii miss hiim w0rrhhs . but , all ii can do is think of him andd nothing else . there`s nothing ii can do . maybbiiee one day he`ll really change his mind andd come backk tuhh miies bahs . but thats only a wishful thinking of mine . sadded . since he`ll never change , ii`ll not change for his sake . ii remain as hhu ii was liikk the past . staying out every night . doing nothing , with no aim in life . haiis . whatt a sad valentines day its is for this year . damn it . but i`ll bbiie fine after awhile nahs . some tears , some swearing andd ii`ll bbiie fine . yahs . how ii wishh i could turn bbackk the time , the time before ii knew hiim . before we were together . maybbiiee , at least , ii`ll bbiie happier at this moment of time . iif onlyy that time , my aunt didnt force me to go to his sin tua dhere , ii`ll bbiie happier now . i shouldd not have listen tuhh his craps andd sweet talks . shucks . we quarrelled the other day , andd from that time till now , we`re still liikk this . nothing`s change . guess we`ll neverr bbiie friends again lohhs . sadded . =(( . hhaiis .

he`s mahh one andd only beloved bbabbiie -

if only i had amnesia -

2006-02-22T11:04:00.000-08:00

how i wish i had amnesia . so i would forget everything . yeah . haiis . im not as happy as i seem to be . what the fish . shag . i dont know what he wants lors . im like in a deep piece of shit lors . i wont be the way he wants me to be . you said i broke your promise . but , YOU BROKE YOUR PROMISE TO ME FIRST , you asshole . i ain`t pushing the blame or whatsoever . dont point fingers at me . i ain`t stupid . you talk as if i was in the wrong . fine ! i got nothing to say . cause im really in the wrong regarding my dad . but , regarding you , i dont see why im in the fault . dont shout at me . dont talk to me in that tone of voice . it just piss me off kays . you asked why i went back together with them . i tell you the reason why . its all because of YOU , you asshole . and maybe because of me too . cause i can tell you , i really love all of them . they were there when i needed them . where in the hell are you when i needed you ?! you were at somewhere else with someone else chatting , drinking , having fun all along . what about me ? have you ever spare a thought for me ? stop those craps . sweet nothings . i hate them to the core . shucks . what the hell are you thinking in your mind man ? whenever you wanted to meet me , i went to meet you . whenever i wanted to meet you , you had a load of excuses . dont you think its lame . its really lame and not cool . you were really nice at first . but , when you started to MIA , your attitude and everything changed . its okays . i just shut up and forget it . but the little thing i do , you got something to say . this is my life . and im not sure what it is that i really wants . and i really dont know what is it that you really want from me . you might say "nothing" . but deep down , you may curse , swear and whatsoever . i dont think any other gerr can take your MIAs lorhs . cause its stupid . it makes one feel miserable . i really wish i had amnesia , so i could totally forget everything and start a new , happier life . kill me , if you want .
i tried to explain to you about my profile you`re not happy with . but YOU CANT BE BOTHERED . why , you asshole . i did everything i could . what about you ?! have you ever think in my point of view ? have you ? LIAR~!
thought you promised never to leave . what a piece of shit . shucks .

anyway , thanks for accompanying my dad if you did . thanks for the happy moments . thanks for making my parents feel happy for that few short days . take care man . im always here , maybe waiting for you to be back one day .
i do miss you .

i miss you lOads -

2006-02-20T15:42:00.000-08:00

hur hur . i cant stop thinking of some ppl . sometimes when i think , it still hurts . but when i think of ah gi , it dont hurt like the past anymore . ah leong also dont hurt that much before lers . it hurts a lil a lil . well , shawn is the one that hurts the most . why ahs ? i notice only after i see the photos of everyone . omg ! i miss him real many many . shagg . he hack care me lohs . haiis . sobs sobs . but its okay nahs . time will pass , wounds will heal . life goes on , people change . yeahh . thats life bahs . going through different changes and situations . dots . shawn`s really damn cute . those sweet memories will never be forgotten . yahs . i remember them . keep them close to my heart . yups . hhees .

missing you .

2006-02-19T12:57:00.000-08:00

i miss him . thats all i could say .

todae`s big happening .
i quarrelled with my dad again . im so tired of all the things he said . let me off . let me go . give me a few moments of happiness . please . you call almost every hour of the day . what are you trying to do ? suffocate me ? i cant take all these shit . all these fears . im not a strong person . i dont have a strong will . i`ll break down sooner or later . let my mother off . she`s got nothing to do with all these shit . all these craps . she`s tired too . i know . let her off . everyone`s tired . nobody`s happy . you make my mom feel miserable . you make me lose my CLOSEST friend once and again . i wont let it happen the third time . once bitten , twice shy , thrice unforgivable . its not that i dont want to let you know where i am . its just that i cant . im afraid . the things you do , scares me . the things you do , are too much . so horrible . so frightening . i guess thats why mama left your side . if you feel ashame to have a daughter like me , disown me . or , you can kill me . at least when i die , i dont need face these fears . if i ever die , pay me a visit at my funeral .

all i want is you .

2006-02-18T10:39:00.000-08:00

mmms . damn shag . i miss him . until now , i still miss him . he cannot get out of my heart de mahs . why must stay inside make me feel so miserable . haiis . shagged . then now i damned hungry lors . haiis . sadded . i haven eat for the whole day lehs . what the fish . alamaks . i donno lahs . damn shag . i want to play maple ler .

some kind of dispute and i miss ah gi -

2006-02-17T15:23:00.000-08:00

mmms . just now at coffee shop . diaos . everyone drink liao then drunk . got so many happening lors . shag . then sze yan say what want to slap me what craps lahs . insanity . anyways , i cant be bothered to go on with this miunderstanding ler . im tired . if its sorry she wants to hear . she`ll get to hear it from me . but its not a sincere sorry . lalala .

well , just now at xiao gerr house . suddenly thought of ah gi . last time when i sleep beside him . so sweet lors . i wont forget de lors . haiis . mmms . just now leonard like angry with me lors . dots . i also never do anything lehs . diaos . haiyoyOo~!

alamaks . i donn know lahs . im sick of this life .
kill me -

he called .

2006-02-17T01:44:00.000-08:00

mmms . now with marcus . hhehs . damn boring . hhehs . very boring lors . nothing to do . tommorow me going to school cause` i got counselling . hhees . mmms . just now ah leong called . then we talk awhile . haha . hardly got things to chat about . Lols . mmms . the things he said were all lies though . but i cant care anymore le . i dont need him . im STRONG . lalala . oh ya . just now i saw toothy . he become so good looking lors . haha . bleahs . =pPp . alamaks . i lazy to blog le nahs .

BYE ~!

they were dhere , when ii needed them .

2006-02-16T14:36:00.000-08:00

dhey were dhere when ii needed them .

mmms . damn siians . ima not interested in studying though . shag .
hhaiis . todaes the third day after break up . Lols . not really that sad liaOos . hhehs . ii donn niidd hhiim . ii got the others . i`ve got them to care for me . yeahs .

hhahha . mmms . realliie thank them loads . my dear ddaddiie gerr , baobei papa panda , gong gong marcus , lao gong leonard , alex garcia , yan ling , an chun andd maybbiie alvin andd daren too lorrhhs . hhahah . they talked to me . console me when iim down . hhees . sometimes ii feel liikk iim damned lucky lorhs . hhehs . ii lObb them lots . hhees . iif your tears are worth crying for , id would be raining , cause god`s crying with you . thats wahht ddaddiie gerr say . maybe iids not worth id lorrhhs . hhahah . im okays man . my tears are starting to listen to me . good tears . wahas . LAME . latta ii wanna go cut hair nehs . hehhes .

mmms . btw , ii wann go home lerhs . hhees .

secondd day of feeliing unbearable -

2006-02-15T21:01:00.000-08:00

im okays , but my tears wouldnt listen .

mmms . hhaiis . ima talking to ahh p0ots[jerry] on the phone now . mmms . ii also donno whye ii will call him lehhs . i just feel like calliing him . =/ . whye ahs ? hhahha . feeling quite shag man . dots . hhaiis . feel like going panda`s house latta lehhs . ii donno wann go anot lehhs . hhahha . ehhs ? oops . =X . ii wann tuhh go . budd donno can or not lehhs . hhahha . damn siians . justt now alex garcia call miies . Lols . he askk miies whether ii afternoon sleeppiing or not . then ii say ya . then he say he wanna come find miies de actually . Lols . budden too bad . ima sleeppiing . wahas .
ahh poots going crazy the phone . alamakks . hhahha . liikk from woodbridge liikk thatt . hhahha . hhaiis . ad the least , he still talks tuhh miies . hhahha . ii sort of miss ah leong . budd ids okays . ids only the second day after break up . yarrhhs . hhahah . ii wann go PANDA HOUSE !

farrkk the damned valentines day !

2006-02-14T00:12:00.000-08:00

todaes a hhappiie valentines day .

he broke upp withh miies .
all the things he said are craps .
iids okays . im okays .
ii donid hhiim . ii got the others tuhh care forr hhiim .
yeahh !! hhahha .
ii was owaes okays .

IM OKAYS , budd my tears kept rolling down .

i`m truly disappointed with you .

2006-02-13T21:15:00.000-08:00

define the word "disappointed" .

hhaiis . todae`s valentines day . shaggedd . he ddiin corr miies nor leave miies a message . ii called his house , he aint ad home . ii realliie donn understand hhiim . wahht is iit dhat he wants from miies . ii cant findd hhiim all the time . he`s owaes missiing . whye is dhat so . shagged* budd neverrmindd nahhs . diiaOos ~

mmms . marcus pr0mise miies tuhh buy tortise withh miies . hhehes . Lols . wahas . 2 tortise , KAWAIINE . hhahha . love mahh gong gong lorrts . hhehs . =))

mmms . now ad panda house . damn shagg . waiitiing forr hhiim come backk . hhahha . babOo andd le0nardd justt reachh home . hhahha . Lols . hhehs . aniiwaes , yesterday 12am plus , le0nard first one tuhh greet miies valentines day worrhhs . hhahha . dhen alex , dhen ddaddiie panda , marcus , an chun dhen leonard . hhahha . hhees . =)) . yet ah leong ddiin tell miies . wahht the fishh . diiaOs `

hahha . ii lazy tuhh blog lerrhh nahs . bleahs . =pPp .

damn the template !

2006-02-12T07:21:00.000-08:00

st0oppiidd template !

alamakks . mahh template g0rrt problem lorrhhs . shagg lehhs .
dhen ming hui helpp miies make properly dhen suddenly no post agaiin .
shagg . tamade . sobs*
DAMN THE TEMPLATE !
uhhs .

disapp0intment -

2006-02-10T05:02:00.000-08:00

ii`d rather die than live -

the feelliing`s so different . ii wann tuhh cry . hhaiis . everything`s so different .
hhaiis . whye liidat ?

darren finally messaged miies -

2006-02-08T01:16:00.000-08:00

ii d0nn liikk hhis MIAs -

mmms . alamakks . mr le0ngg kiipp on mia l0rhhs . tamade . dhen when ii corr hhiim , he norrt ad home . whenn he corr miies , ii sleeppiing . liikk shiit lorrhhs . our time simply donn get along . shagg . when will i andd hhiim everr bbiie free ad the same time ahhs ? kanasai . aniiwaes , someone messaged miies todae . ii was owaes wondering iif he stiiuu wouldd contact miies mahs . while watchiing anime , the sms came . haha . ii was glad we were friends after all . yupyupps . =)) . ohh yahs . this friday tiianliing andd miies gg tuhh bugis agaiin . Lols . cause she wann tuhh buy the jeans forr weijie . hhaha . she even paid the deposit . Lols . dhen justt nice ddarenn askk iif this friday or saturday wann go out mahs . hhaha . Lols . time crash . Lols . ii wann workk thou . hhaha . andd , alamakks . jjustt now ii andd marcus on msn talk untill abitt dulann . shagg . ii also donno whye . maybbiie cause ii jealous . Lols . budd he realliie veryy wahht lorrhhs . shag . dhatt time ii askk hhiim peii miies go tampines , he say he stomachache donwan go . dhen todae someone andd ivan gg dhen ivan ask marcus go dhen marucs say okkays . tamade . dhen justt now ii tel hhiim on msn say whye he peii hhiim go neverr pei miies go dhen he say got mehs . dhen ii dulans dhen ii tell hhiim when andd bla bla . dhenn he say he not going tuhh tampines latta lerrhhs . dhenn ii askk hhiim whye , he say he stomachache . liikke farrkk lorrhhs . tiinnkk liiaOo also dulans . everytimes put bomb . shag lehhs . shit larrhhs . =( . da pian zi lorrhhs . lie tuhh miies . dhen say after sch0oll corr miies also donn hhavv lorrhhs . wahht the fishh . dulans . pOotuii ! hhaiis . ii donwan blog lerrhh nahhs . tamade .

shawn-

2006-02-07T01:09:00.000-08:00

the suddenn thOught of shawn andd dhems -

mmms . wentt tuhh sch0oll todae . hhees . ima good gerr . well . afterr schooll todae , ii was widd shi hua andd thenn brenda came . she talkkedd about ahh boy dhey all andd so . mmms . dhenn someone suddenly came iin mahh mind . someone hu`s realliiee special tuhh miies . sort of miss hhiim ya . hhaiis . ii miss those times when EVERYONE was together . pasir ris , katong , cuppage , all those places dhatt brings back memorriies . hhaha . those were just short term hhappiiness . budd iids okkaes . ii was happiie once . yepps . =)) .
those gummy bears , lollipops , good night kisses were lame budd ii liikk iid . hhaha . lookkiing ad dhem plae pool , billard . hhaha . dota . Lols . well , the happiiee moments are gone . everyone niidds tuhh study . yepps . he`s cute . ii knoe . ii wont forget hhiim . ii was owaes missiing hhiim andd dhems .

ii miss yoo real lorrts . MR shawn . lols .

proper english -

2006-02-04T01:36:00.000-08:00

i`m gonna blog with proper english -

mmms . blogging with decent english . wahas .
that`s what my brother told me to do . or else , during composition i`ll fail . something like that i guess . haha . i find it a little lame blogging this way because usually i blog having my words dragged . i find it a little strange though . haha . anyway , i may be going out with jesper and friends for awhile then have supper with my god brother , Lucas . yeps . its been a long time since i saw him ya . haha . by the way , im looking for mr Li Zi Liang . somehow if YOO see this msg yoo dumbo , call me okays ? ima waiting for your call . =b .
well , that`s the end of blogging with decent english . yupyupps .

misses ahh le0ng Lil -

2006-01-26T07:32:00.000-08:00

yet iim so addictedd tuhh yoo -

the feelliing`s n0rrt the same aniimore . ii donn knoe whye . yoo arent the same tuhh miies aniimore . iid justt feels so different . hhaiis . ii was veryy hhappiie initially . budd iids n0rrt the same now . =( .

2006-01-25T22:33:00.000-08:00

bbabbiie`s lOve bbackk -

hhehs . we`re bbackk togetherr agaiin . hhees . iim so hhappiie mann . hhaha . ii d0nn knoe wahht will hhappen iin the future budd ii hope dhat we`ll bbiie togetherr owaes andd happily .
n0ttiing lasts forreverr andd ii knoe we wont last forrever . budd we`ll bbiie togetherr till yoo fiindd miies a nuisance . yeppiies . hhaha . iim n0rrt a veryy good gerrfriiend andd budd please forrgiivv miies . ii donn mean tuhh do all those thiings dhatt make yoo angry . yupyupps . d0nn lie tuhh miies andd ii`ll bbiie hhappiie enuff . ii knoe yoo lied abOot some stuff . ii hope someday , yoo`ll confess iid honestly . okkays . hhees . ii lOve ya . hope yoo feell the same way too . =))

love miies forr hhu ii am , andd n0rrtt wahht ii am -

bbabbiie`s love GONE-

2006-01-24T21:38:00.000-08:00

bbabbiie`s love GONE -

iim n0rrt sure iif he wouldd bbiie backk by mahh side or n0rrt . misses hhiim . hhaiis . ii was so stupidd . sobs* budd iidss useless regretiing now lorrhhs . because the outcome will stiiuu bbiie the same de . ii d0nn liikk yoo smsiing miies startiing widd "hey hey" . bef0re ii did sometiing wrong , yoo usedd tuhh sms miies starting widd , "bbabbiie , where aree yoo ? ii miss yoo worrhhs ." dhats wahht yoo`ll send tuhh miies . iim so n0rrt usedd tuhh seeiing smses widd hey hey . hhaiis . maybbiiee yoo`ll soon hhavv a new gerr though yoo say yoo stiiuu love miies . because everib0ddie lies tuhh miies . everiione`s a fake . everyb0ddiie BOMBS . hhaiis . so shagg . ii miss hhiim so muchh worrhhs . ii wann hhiim bbackk . so n0rrt used tuhh bbiie widdout hhiim . hhaiis . iim gg crazy lerrhh nahhs . hhaOo xiiang ta . addictedd tuhh hiim and only hhiim . ii dOnn tiinnkk he feels this way bahhs . he`s the first guy ii breakk lerrhhs dhenn wann patch de l0rrhhs . ii neverr patchh widd aniione before de lorrhhs . so sadd . even iif ii criedd a million tears forr hhiim he also donno . cause he donn giivv a damn .

tuhh bbabbiie : hheys . yoo realliie donwan miies lerrhhs ehhs ? ii stiiuu love yoo thOu . hhaiis . yoo cann0t swim bbackk forr miies mahs . so difficult mahs ? ii realliie regret askkiing forr break . d0nn mean iid de l0rrhhs . hhaiis . yeaterday weijie dhey all send those msg tuhh yoo , dhenn yoo say wahht donn aniihow corr lehhs . shagged . yoo neverr knoe hhow ii feel lorrhhs . the paiin yoo see on mahh face , ishh n0rrt even half of wahht iim feeliing iinside . yoo only saw your paiin . yoo donn care aboot the paiin iin miies . ii told yoo i will waiit forr yoo . ii realliiee will waiit de . unless , yoo tell miies n0rrt tuhh . bbabbiie , iim sorry . aishiteru-

yoo knoe ii stiiu love yoo , yoo knoe ii do .

2006-01-23T21:09:00.000-08:00

regrets -

mmms . ii ddiin go sch0oll today . hhaiis . ii waitedd forr hhiis msg the whole nighht . ddiin even sleepp . ii waiitedd so long , forr wahht . he ddiin even reply . now mahh headd damn paiin liikk farrkk . sobs .

a knife piercedd thru ,
the cut so deepp .
yoo ddiin evenn knoe ,
yoo donn everr caredd .

ii caught a fishh ,
ii let the fishh go .
only whhen the fishh doesnt swim bbackk ,
ii startt tuhh regret .

he threw away the alarm clockk ,
not the alarm clock donn riing .
he niidd the alarm clock no more .
budd the alarm clockk needs battery ,
andd the battery iishh hhiim .

he pr0misedd neverr tuhh leave ,
budd dhat was an0therr one of those brokenn promises .
iim tiredd ,
yet so addictedd tuhh hhiim .
wahht am ii tiinnkkiing , iids too late .

iim startiing tuhh miss yoo real l0rrts , iim startiing tuhh regret .
ii wann yoo bbackk , righht here by my side .
budd iids too late . [ so lame ]
ii will bbiie waiitiing . [ so cool ]
andd yoo d0nn giivv a damn . [ wahhteverr ]

my name iishh ORANGE -

attitude -

2006-01-20T06:26:00.000-08:00

dhherr mustt bbiie a change iin mahh attitude -

mmms . mahh attitude recently is real damn bad . shaggedd . iim sorry bbabbiie , forr th0se attitude ii gave . duii bbu qii . =/ . d0nn mean iid . ii feel liikk askkiing yoo , wahht am ii tuhh yoo ? do ii mean n0tiing or al0rrtt ? alamakks . budd iids better dhatt ii d0nn askk . d0nn wanna yoo tuhh get angry yoo see . hhehs .

todae , afterr sch0ol ii went tuhh meet tiianliing . hhehs . dhenn we went home , ii got changedd andd went tuhh bugis widd hherr . l0ls . ad bugis damn siian l0rrhhs . n0ttiing tuhh do ad all . hhaiis . dhen we went window sh0ppiing . iim a good gerr today . hands off everiitiing . hhehes . bbabbiie d0nn liikk iid . =p . so ii d0nn take wahhts unpaid . hhehes . good gerr duii bu duii . l0ls . dhen afterr bugis , tiianliing andd ii went tuhh tampines . dhen go bbackk simeii meet bbabbiie andd weijie . l0ls . dhen tiianliing andd weijie plaza singapura . dhey go clarke . bbastardd . alamakks . hhaha . dhenn leftt miies andd hhiim . dhenn ii sort of gave hhiim LOTS of attitude . =pPp . iids mahh fault . iim sorry .

mmms . aniiwaes . someone`s hhaviing home leave tmrr . ii tiinnk so .

andd ii miss bbabbiie -

shaggedd dae -

2006-01-19T00:23:00.000-08:00

addictedd tuhh hhiim -

mmms . miies now ad home damn shag l0rrhhs . head damn paiin andd giddy . dhenn tmrr stiiu mustt go counselliing . siian lehhs . hhaiis . jjustt now hhe alm0stt angry widd miies . hhe thOt ii outside dhen neverr reply hhiis messages all dese . hhaha . dhenn he corr miies 3 times . l0ls . ii now feel liikk eatiing loads of lollipops l0rrhhs . hhehs . bleahs . =pPp . damn shag . marcus hhelpp miies go down bbuy lollipops lerrhhs . hhehe . =)) . so hhappiie . ii now stiiuu abit hhungry lehhs . donno whye liikk dhatt . alamakks . andd ii s0rrtt of miss hhiim . yesterdae , he askk miies iif ii g0rrt go tampines ornot . hhe say iif ii got go , hhelp hhiim look forr playboy eariing . iif d0nn havv dhen astroboy . waah piiang . dhenn ii suddenly rememberr lastt ttime darren also askk miies hhelp hhiim fiindd all dese de . hhaiis . andd iids also the same playboy l0rrhhs . alamakks . dhenn yesterdae , ii went outt widd tiianliing . hhaha . she askk miies go take numberr from one guy forr hher . damn paisehh lorrhhs . l0ls . dhenn afterr ii takke lerrhh , we walkk past pavilion . dhen kanna stop by 2 lunatics . forr no reason walkk iinfront of miies dhenn ii canno0t walkk . liikk wahht lorrhhs . dhenn take mahh hp corr hhis numberr . dhenn askk miies save hhis numberr . dhen talkk al0rrt of cock lorrhhs . nabbeii . dhenn he dhatt asshole stiiuu corr miies lorrhhs . lan jiao lang . dulans . mmms . dhenn whenn ii talkkiing tuhh hhiim dhat time ii verii dulan , dhenn ii widd babbie . dhenn babbiie kap the fone . alamakks . ii hhavenn scold the guy yet lorrhhs . uhhs . budd forrget iid nahs . dhenn this morning he sms miies . wahht the farrkk . hhe so biian taii lorrhhs . hhaiis . mmms . mahh head so giddy nehhs . sobsobs * bbabbiie jjustt messagedd miies . hhees . hhe say hhe finishh workk dhen corr miies . hhehe . mmms . h0pefully , we`ll lastt long bahhs . =pPp .

addictedd tuhh hhiim -

2006-01-16T22:51:00.000-08:00

editiing phOtos -

mmms . jjustt now n0rrtt iin a good mood . dhenn ppapa panda bbuy 2 packets of gummy bbear giivv miies . hhehs . dhen he go outt lerrhhs . l0ls . damn shag lorrhh todae . too tiredd tuhh go sch0oll . also donno whye lorrhhs . ii owaes cant get tuhh sleepp dhenn the nextt day ii cant get upp . piianng ehhs . sounds stupiidd righhtt ? ii feel stupiidd lorrhhs . alamaks .

ii hhavenn smoke forr the wh0le day l0rrhhs . so uncomfortable. sobs . by the way ii hope mahh brother doesnt see this . ii was suspected forr smokkiing iin school yesterday . andd , ii was askedd tuhh blow the smokerlyzer . the metre shows 18 . andd ii got an offence form . maybbiiee ii will bbiie fined or wahhteverr shiit dherr iishh . alamaks . damn unlucky lehhs . alamaks alamaks alamaks . hhaiiyos . hhaha . iif aniione iis gg tuhh askk miies whye ii was suspectedd forr smokiing , ii`ll probably reply " ii was stupid. " hahha .

by the way , ii sort of miss hhiim -

2006-01-15T23:58:00.000-08:00

hhe`s mahh addictii0nn -

mmms . hhe now w0rkkiing worrhh . l0ls . s0rrt of miss hhiim . hhehs . yesterrday ii watchh narnia worrhhs . the movie veryy nice . hhehs . dhenn iinside the cinema dherr cold untill ii buay tahhann . dhenn afterr narnia ii go meet hhiim , andd went home late . =/ . mahh br0therr was damn angry widd miies l0rrhhs . hhaiis . mmms . latta ii gg tuhh marcus house andd do homeworkk . damn shag lorrhhs . wann askk hhiim helpp miies fiinndd the han yu pin yin forr chinese . wahas . l0ls . damn lazy tuhh do homeworkk lorrhhs . feel liikk sleeppiinng . latta maybbiie ii go meet hhiim , maybbiie n0rrt . hhehs . d0nno wahht time he finishh workk also . hhaha . mmms . kkays larrhhs . ii gg tuhh bathe dhenn go marcus house do homeworkk lerrhhs . latta marcus scold miies . =/ .

she loves hhiim -

2006-01-13T23:21:00.000-08:00

addictii0nn -

hhe`s mahh addictii0nn . <3